u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
