he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
