I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize