Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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