im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
