you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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