I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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