My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
