pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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