If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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