In the future we'll all be gay
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
