I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
