Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
