Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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