he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
