i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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