if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
