im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
