You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
