Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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