WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
