I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
