every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
