just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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