which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Randomize
