dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
