Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
