You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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