oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
