he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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