dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
