Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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