I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
