I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize