Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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