so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
