Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
