I'm gonna have a badass scar
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
