my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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