Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
