I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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