but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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