I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
