Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
