onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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