my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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