And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
