He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
