Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
