Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
