I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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