i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
