Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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