I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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