I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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