Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
