my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
