So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
