Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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