I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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