Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
