how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
