I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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