I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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