You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
