Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
