dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
