is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
